As well all know, life finds its way to definitely challenge us. Sometimes way more harshly than other times.
Having a mental health issue, or multiple for that matter, is a fight day in and day out just to survive and manage. Throwing life trials in there doesn’t make it any easier.
I struggle so badly when I’m faced with super tough situations that I have to handle. I tend to get panic attacks that lead me to crying my eyes out for hours. Today, is one of those days.
The past two weeks have honestly been hell for me. I’ve held things in for so long and just over the last 48 hours, everything seemed to hit at once.
I’m stuck in a situation where I need to figure things out and fast or I’ll lose everything. I can’t be open and honest with anyone personally. I get called immature or told to suck things up. I’m sorry but sometimes, you just can’t and just break down.
I’m currently pulled over in an empty parking lot, trying to ease out of my panic attack and sobbing, while I’m typing this to you all. Do I feel stupid? Yeah I do. Do I feel like I’m gonna ruin everything in my life? Yeah I do.
I truly feel like I’m just watching my life fall apart around me. I’m trying to hang on to the good parts of my life and focus solely on those. If I don’t, I won’t survive.
I also gotta remind myself not to screw up those good parts..
I have been figuring out possible solutions for my current situation and do have plans in place. It just doesn’t make anything any easier.
I just feel alone too. In my own head. Trying to keep things together and not crumble in front of others so I don’t have any judgments is exhausting alone.
I do know things will be okay and a solution will be figured out. I do know that no matter the situation, life will be sorted out. It may not be in your favor but the reasons why you may never know. The big man upstairs only sometimes knows the reasons why.
No one ever said life would be easy all the time.
No matter how bad things may seem, there is always good. My therapist and I have talked about making a list of them along with doing something enjoyable for yourself.
Now doing something for yourself means HEALTHY, not a negative behavior that makes you feel good in that moment.
Not gonna lie here, I used to be a cutter and pill popper. To help ease.
I’ve found healthy coping skills to do that do help me, and no, I don’t have to spend a penny! I like to read, color, play video games and write. Writing this blog post to you all is a coping skill for me and it has helped.
I want to close with this, never let anyone make you feel bad for the life stressors you have going on. But most importantly, never let YOURSELF feel bad for the life stressors you have going on. Yes, if there’s responsibility to take for them, take them, but don’t beat yourself up constantly over it. We’re human, we make mistakes.