Breakups and Bullshit

A week ago. I had my heart ripped out of my chest.

It’s honestly been a whirlwind. I’ve felt better some days than others. I’ve wanted to just die a lot of the time though. I’ve just wanted to sleep. I have no motivation for anything and have just been going through the motions I feel.

I feel lost. I feel numb. I’m so depressed. I’ve been trying to put a straight face on and be okay. I’m not though.

I got messed up so bad Saturday night. Got in bad habits. Realized I can’t be doing this shit anymore. I’m too old for this shit and I need to act my age.

He and I still talk. At first he’s like no we’re friends now he doesn’t know and can’t give me a clear answer. I’m driving myself nuts. I feel I need to just walk away completely.

At this point in my life I feel like fuck buddies are just my best bet. No feelings or attachments just a nice fuck. Then I can’t get hurt. And feel this shitty. Cause face it, a nice fuck is amazing. Plus my mood was honestly so much better when I was getting fucked all the time 😂

Sorry for TMI guys but I need to be direct here and vent.

Why I added the bullshit part here is the aftermath.

Other people expect you to be okay and move on or say oh he/she’s a dick you’re better off. Or my favorite, so and so wants to date you go out with them.

Like for fucks sake people. THAT SHIT DOESN’T HELP A PERSON! It honestly makes everything worse. Don’t be that person.

I’m already consumed in my feelings, plus mental health on top of it makes it worse.

I want things to work with me and this guy but I’m losing hope. It sucks.

I guess instead of me giving advice, what’s the best thing you all do after a break up plus managing your mental health? AND how do you deal with others saying oh fuck them move on? When it’s so hard.

This heart break is real. I truly loved this guy 💔


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